news of a Mexico nightmare…


just wanted to pop on and share a story that has been highly publicized lately, and one that will be of interest to the surrogacy community.  a Canadian couple had chosen to participate in the surrogacy process with a company in Mexico, and this happened:

BC Couple’s Babies Stuck in Mexico

This likely has not much to do with the surrogacy company and much more to do with the hospital, but a few things to consider when thinking about doing surrogacy in another country, are:

  • what are the statistics for premature births at the facility or in the country you are planning to utilize?  different countries have different levels of nutrition and healthcare, and these things impact premature births
  • how much will health care (Neonatal Intensive Care) cost, on average, per day, should your baby or babies be born premature? how much will this also tack on to the parent’s staying in the country (extra hotel, food, transport, changed tickets, etc.)
  • will the hospital issue birth certificates prior to the ENTIRE hospital bill being paid?  i have seen this in countless surrogacy stories in various countries, where babies are not released from hospital or birth certificates are not issued until the bill is paid in full.  it’s not holding the babies “hostage” like some of the glorified news articles like to portray it, but a hospital has to earn a living too, and collecting money from foreigners is extremely hard once they have left the country (if not 100% impossible), so it’s fairly reasonable practice i think… often Canadians forget that in other countries, hospitals are businesses moreso than they are here, and don’t receive any government funding.

while these things may be unpleasant to consider, they must be factored in to your planning.  hope for the best, but expect the worst, and then you won’t be surprised or shocked or trapped or unprepared.

hope everyone is doing well and i hope there are successful surrogacies galore since our journey ended… feel free to share your stories in my blog comments, as this blog is still getting some good traffic!

also, don’t hesitate to contact me, but please understand i don’t visit the blog too much anymore and i also don’t check the email associated with the blog very often, so i may take a while to respond… however, you will soon learn, if you are attempting anything in the surrogacy world (including contacting me), patience is a major virtue 🙂



hey there – i know i have said this before, but i want to say it again… if you, or anyone you know, is going through the surrogacy process, it would be great if you would blog about it like i did… it can be anonymous as mine has always been, and it helps so many people.

WordPress has a stats section for those of us who run a blog, so we can see how many people visit our blog each day, week, month, etc, and it shows which country each person is from (though not who they are or what city or anything).  so, just to indicate how many people you can reach through your blog, i have had nearly 6,000 page views, and those have come from people in 67, yes SIXTY SEVEN different countries!!!!

if you write a blog, email me and i will post a link on my blog… let’s help each other with this difficult journey (even though i am not on the journey anymore, i would like to think that others would follow my lead and share their experiences… please!)


Thailand news…


i just saw a Facebook news post about an Australian couple who went through with surrogacy in Thailand, but when one of their twins was born with Down Syndrome, they abandoned that twin with the surrogate and took the healthy twin back home with them.

of course there are two sides to every story, and the Australian couple has stated that they asked the surrogate to terminate the baby once they found out that the baby had Down Syndrome, but she refused… apparently this was done at 8 months (according to some media reports), which would have been a pretty sick termination in my opinion, as fetuses older than 8 months live ALL THE TIME, so it’s pretty much terminating a baby at that point, not just a fetus.  while this certainly isn’t the time or place to debate abortion issues, i think we can probably all agree that 8 months is FAR too old to terminate, no matter what the situation.

so, the surrogate refused, and the babies were born, and the couple took the healthy one and left the baby with Down Syndrome… i think this is a pity in so many ways, because while it’s not ideal to have a baby with any sort of illness or condition, babies and children with Down Syndrome are all so different and they might have had a wonderful life with this baby… however, they judged him before they even met him and then rejected him… i think that sucks, i think they should be punished somehow…

it now comes out in reports that the father is also a convicted sex offender… so i am not  sure what happened here, what kind of screening was done, if any, clearly there wasn’t any.  that said, there was really no screening for hubby and i either that i recall, so i guess this is just the way.  what that says about the wife, i won’t comment.

anyways, this whole thing is a pretty sick example of surrogacy gone awry, and it’s stories like this that make the journey all the harder for those exemplary couples who would do anything to have a successful surrogacy.

i guess i just felt like commenting on the sick case… i saw it on my newsfeed and it reminded me of why people have such a hard time with surrogacy… cases like this continue to make it an uphill battle for those who barely have any fight left in them… 

long time no hear from…


here i am… i thought i would just pop on to see if there’s been any activity on this blog, and sure enough there have been views almost every day, even though i haven’t been writing.  i guess there are a lot of people out there that are thinking about surrogacy as an option.

so, what’s been up since i last wrote?  not too much really.  hubby and i haven’t talked about kids much… immediately after our surrogacy attempt i wanted to try fostering kids, as it seems like the last resort to me, but it is daunting, and hubby isn’t really interested at this point.  he says he would be very open to adoption, but from what i understand that’s really expensive and there is much failure along the way, if it ever really materializes at all…. let’s just say i have heard horror stories.  i guess fostering would be filled with its own challenges, not the least of which is the fact that we likely would get kids only temporarily and they would be kids with their own challenges.  this attracts me, because i was a child from a really whack home, but i think that freaks hubby out too much at this point.  so, the subject is kind of on the back burner for now.

i actually had my dear friend reiterate that she would be willing to be our surrogate for free… we had already kind of discussed it as a sweet offer right after our India trip, but in that case she was offering her egg and we all thought it would be really odd for us to have a baby with her egg, considering we are friends, she’s got two kids of her own, and then technically the resultant baby would be that of her and my husband…. so not something we would feel comfy with.  it’s so amazing that she would consider being a surrogate for us, if we could get our own egg… but it’s super expensive to do that, and we are tapped out with no resources.  so it’s pretty much slipped away… no money for IVF and harvesting, no child.  at any rate, it’s amazing to know a person who would be willing to do that for us…. i just have to say that one more time… 

so, since i last wrote, i have been dealing with some sadness and regret about not having kids… which is not something i had ever thought i would have to deal with. i had always been totally comfortable with my inability to bear children, but the surrogacy option really got our hopes up, and so for 2013 we were very focused on having a child, and all the hopes and dreams and excitement that comes with that…. so it’s taking some time to mourn that fantasy…. i am surprised at how hard i am taking it, knowing myself… but i guess i keep thinking that i will be on my deathbed and maybe there will be nobody there…. so depressing.

blah, i guess i am not sure why i even came here to write, there’s not too much new to say at all, i think i have said all this before, but maybe i feel obligated to write once i come back on the blog…. strange, but true.

i really hope everyone on this journey has a better outcome than we did, though it’s not the end of the world.  we are a million times LESS depressed than others who have wanted kids their whole lives, so for that we are thankful.  it’s not as bad as it could be.

i am still open to answering questions and helping if you need anything, so feel free to email me at if you need something.

good luck everyone, i hope people are still finding my blog informative an useful…. that’s all i can hope for!



Halloween, etc.


i have to say it’s been a bit difficult to think of halloweens that could have been.  one of the things i looked forward to quite a bit, when imagining having a kiddo, was all the fun things we could have done at holiday times and special occasions.  halloween is my favourite, so of course when we were contemplating surrogacy, i thought often of babies in costumes out trick-or-treating.  and easter egg hunts and christmas mornings and birthdays and whatever other fun activities we could think of… 

even early on in the blog i had posted some cute kids in costumes… 

oh well… i am sure this will fade eventually, and i am sure we aren’t feeling it as acutely as others who had wanted for longer and tried for longer.

that’s it, just had to lament for a sec.  carry on 🙂



so, it’s Canadian Thanksgiving today, and basically it has been all weekend, with a couple of family dinners to go to, lots of good food to eat, and lots of visiting.  i have, however, had a few moments to think about what i am thankful for this year, reflecting on the last twelve months.

the biggest joy is my husband.  the “surrogacy thing” was our hugest challenge to date in the last 11 years we have known each other, and i am so grateful for how well we came out the other side of this experience.  i have to say, we are even stronger than before.  i am more confident in his love for me, and mine for him.  i hate to wax corny, but we truly have that kind of love that you don’t always find these days, that kind where 11 years later, through thick and thin and lots of challenges, we still hold hands, make funny faces and noises at each other, call each other ridiculous pet names, and enjoy each others’ company nearly constantly.  the “surrogacy thing” did not change that about us, didn’t create uncomfortable conversations or moments of silent thought that we don’t want to share.  we are ok, we made it, we are still happy and in love.

i am grateful for him and for us, we are enough!

happy Canadian Thanksgiving to everyone.

other helpful surrogacy blogs


hi all –

me again.  though our journey is over, i am not totally done with the blog.  i think that one really important thing that i learned during this journey is that it’s super, super, super, super, super, super, super, super important to be able to connect with other folks who are on the same journey, no matter if they are Canadian (though that helps for Canadians) or if they are at different points in their journey.  i have mentioned before that i felt i had some very close ties, especially right around the time we were in Mumbai, and even though i had never met these women, it really mean the world to know that they were there, in similar shoes, and could relate to what i was going through at the time.

therefore, i am going to share a couple of blogs, just for reference and perhaps for connection amongst you all:

this one is a Canadian woman who is just starting her journey, after some really hard times.  her writing is fairly blunt, like mine, so give it a try (i think she’s telling someone off in her latest post, but if you dig further in, you will see the journey is one of surrogacy):

this one is an Australian woman who is deep into the journey, and though her journey and process is different somewhat to that of a Canadian couple (lucky on that count), i found her writing to be so beautiful and her honesty to be so refreshing and helpful when i came across feelings that i was unfamiliar with in my journey, i could read this blog and feel that i was not alone in my thoughts.  plus, her photography is a wonderful addition to the blog:

i am sure there are a million more, and i am still hoping that my friend who is going through the Mumbai shenanigans right now will eventually blog and/or write an article or book about the whole thing, and if she does, i will certainly link to it.

if you know of other helpful surrogacy blogs, feel free to email me and i will absolutely post the links here on my blog.

share, share, share, share!!!

so long… yep, the journey is over. but we are fine… seriously :)


hi, it’s me…. it’s been quite a while.  i guess i have been procrastinating this post because it’s not great news.  we will not be pursuing surrogacy any further.  period.

so, prepare for an epic post here, because i need to get some things off my chest.

several factors have led us to this decision, including finances, the let-down of our trip to Mumbai in June/July, how we felt about the clinic we used, the lack of other countries where surrogacy is done well, and the fact that the other couple we “know” from Canada who is currently still in Mumbai with their two and a half month old twins are STILL there since the end of June and there is no end in sight as far as i know at the present moment.

let’s tackle these one at a time, shall we?

finances – considering that we went to Mumbai twice, at the total cost of approximately $15,000 – 20,000 and came back with absolutely nothing, not even hope, has helped us decide it’s not a good idea.  we might as well buy lottery tickets… seriously.

the clinic we used – to be honest, the reason we haven’t blogged our real feelings about the clinic is because there had been a partial refund in the works, because the person helping us financially, paid up front for the clinic services for the June/July trip, and we couldn’t risk the clinic would read this blog (yes, there are often readers from India) and hold back the money. holy shit, i can’t even believe any money was ever refunded.  i joke with hubby that they had to wait for a buyer for his sperm samples, because it is absolutely not outside the realm of possibilities that his gorgeous tall, blond haired, blue eyed wigglers have been sold or are on the market as we speak.  that’s how much we trust the process and the people.

what bothers us about the clinic?  well, the doctors were basically the problem.  the front end staff and nurses that i encountered were caring and seemed to want to do their job to a degree, but the doctors seemed like shysters.  in the entire time i was communicating with them, they were constantly taking AGES to get back to me.  i know docs are busy; i work in healthcare, and have worked in a hospital setting, so i know this, but i would wait for three or four or eight days for a one word response, then when i needed any clarity, had to wait again.  no big deal.  the first time we went to Mumbai, the doctor didn’t show up and we had to use a different doctor.  “our” doctor claimed she thought we were coming the following week, even though i had sent her many emails confirming the date and saying things like “can’t wait to meet you this Friday” or “i look forward to our appointment on the 8th” or “we are in the airport in Korea now, getting excited” or whatever.  no biggie, we liked the second doctor at that point, so it was ok (though still bugged me inside).

the second trip, we waited a long time for the doctor at every appointment, which is pretty normal even for Canada, but often she would say she needed to see me, then i would go in, and a clerk would see me or a nurse only.  nothing was really explained to me, i never really knew what was going on, what medication they were injecting me with, and just a really basic plan.  i was really sick there, and the one visit where i nearly fainted, they were concerned, but it almost seemed like more concern over risk to their clinic than because i was sick.  for example, the moment i was in the vulnerable sick position, not even particularly coherent, the doctor jumped on the opportunity to present the fact that had been very successful many times with couples using donor eggs.  she explained that they could take hubby’s sample right away, and all we would have to do would be pick a donor, go home, and nine months later, pick up the baby, plus i believe she talked about how affordable it was compared to continuing on the present course and how they could apply some of the money already paid to the process of using a donor and a surrogate womb.  in the same conversation she kept telling me that had she known my exact BMI, she probably wouldn’t have taken me as a client and she had no idea, blah blah blah. i have mentioned before that i am definitely a plus-sized lady and had certainly mentioned it to her many times, though i must admit i had never told her my exact BMI, and she had never asked or had a slot for it in the clinic forms.  not something they screen for, i guess. she basically was talking a good “cover her ass” talk.  anyways, this may all sound extremely normal to some folks, but the language she used when talking to me about the donor potential was almost exactly to the word of the ONE complaint i had managed to find prior to selecting that clinic, it was so similar, it was eerie.  even in my ill state, i was thinking “holy shit, this is a script she’s said 1,000 times to people in a vulnerable position.”

so, since i had been having injections for a few days, i asked her to check my ovaries and based on what she found in terms of egg growth, we could make the decision from there.  i was taken into the ultrasound suite (which was totally disgusting btw, and not really a suite), and she asked for the other doctor to be with her for backup (a witness), and they performed the ultrasound.  during the ultrasound, they spoke to each other in their language, even though both of them spoke perfectly great English, and nodded to each other, and cut eyes at each other in meaningful ways, and then they co-told me that based on what they found, i probably had about a 5% chance of even one good egg, and that was being generous.  so in their professional opinion (though of course the decision was mine) it wouldn’t be worth the worth going through all the potential illness of the hormone therapy while i was already really sick (unrelated sickness), when there really was almost no chance of this working, and probably donor was our best option.  after the procedure (avert your eyes if you are squeamish) i noticed that they had not used a “condom” on the intra-vaginal ultrasound wand, which is common and common-sense practice in Canada.  i just wanted to get the F out of there, so i just nodded and made appropriate noises in the affirmative and went back to the hotel to digest, though i had already made the decision that i was done with any medical treatment for my own body in India, ever, ever, ever, ever.  while i had been on the gurney, nearly fainting (i have never fainted before or been that close), being prodded by nurses and questioned by the doctors about future decisions and financial options, all i could think about was “holy crap, travel medical insurance, though i have it, does not cover any expenses or repatriation to your home country if your illness or injury is the result of travel for medical reasons.  omg, what if i die here or get really, really, really sick here and am not covered and can’t get home?!”

so, together we made a final decision to not proceed, though w decided that it would be a good idea to leave sperm samples, just in case, and the doctor was almost gleeful.  all business, no personality, no compassion…

let me mention, that since our return home, we have heard NOT ONE WORD from our doctor or clinic.  nothing to ask how we are doing or have we given any thought to any future plans, how is my health, not a wee email, not a call, nothing.  the only correspondence happened with the person who was helping us financially with things, because she had to deal with the clinic directly, as the refund had to go to her credit card.  again, let me say how amazed i am that ANY refund was provided at all, but i guess they hoped that perhaps we would one day return to spend even MORE money, so it was a good faith gesture.

so, let’s go back in time to where i was doing research about which clinic we should use and talk a little bit about how i made my decision and a conclusion i have drawn since.

when researching, i did TONS of internet research (you can go back in the blog and check out what i documented) and also “spoke” to a few people who had used the clinic in the past.  so, i think the operative phrase here is “the past”.  what i have found since and the conclusion i have drawn, is that there is a very new clinic in Mumbai, called the Corion Clinic, which was opened by a female doctor who USED TO work at the clinic we went to.  Corion Clinic and this doctor are currently getting rave reviews (including two successful couples who i have directly corresponded with during their current surrogacy journeys, and who have been very, very happy with the service, quality, and compassion they are receiving throughout).  so, what i have concluded and i could totally be wrong, is that this particular doctor used to work at “our” clinic, and was awesome and successful (thus the great reviews and success stories i heard first hand), and that she decided to branch out on her own and took all the quality with her.  i can only make this conclusion, because our experience was such a contradiction to all my research, and it makes me feel better.  so there.

other countries – as far as other countries, i cannot really find that much information about positive experiences in other countries where all factors combine to make it something we would think about.  there are always clinics in places like Thailand, Mexico, and others, but when you delve into the process, there is always something janky.  in Thailand, the surrogate and her husband are on the birth certificate and you have to adopt your fully genetic baby, in Mexico i could only find one clinic (it’s only legal in one Mexican state), and while the advertising is great, i found horrible reviews and even YouTube videos from some of their surrogates complaining about how they were treated and not paid.  Cyprus is another one, but when you read about it, it seems like the surrogate is from Cyprus and things are arranged in Cyprus, but it’s not legal there… so i stopped reading.

“the other couple” – lastly, but certainly not leastly… one of the couples that used Corion successfully, is a couple i have mentioned before, and they are actually from Vancouver, Canada, (same as us) so i have been able to experience vicariously through them, the latter end of the surrogacy journey for Canadians in India.  from the information i have been provided, their experience post birth of their glorious twins, has been 100% without support from the Canadian government.  they have been provided with no guidance, no information, no assistance, no communications, no timelines, and no hope from their own government.  they are Canadians and yet they have all been stranded for nearly three months, in a foreign country, in a hotel room.  they have put their jobs and finances at risk, their health at risk, their lives on hold, they have depended upon their families and friends for support, and gotten nothing from their country.  yes, it was their choice, but doesn’t one expect some sort of support from your country?  we are all supposed to be proud to be Canadian, but this has been abysmal in my opinion. one of the funny things we learned, is that other countries do not treat their citizens with such disregard, and ALL other couples doing surrogacy in the hotel where the Canadian couple is, has come and gone with their babies.  ONLY the Canadian couple is sitting there still.  it’s disgusting. anyways, rant over.  i am really wishing them good luck to get home and hope the government gets their act together.  however, i can’t see this process (or lack thereof) changing in the next while, so on top of everything else, we cannot imagine three months or more in Mumbai, especially after our experience there.

so there you have it.  the full story with all the gory details.  we won’t be pursuing surrogacy any further, and we have yet to decide if we will do anything child-related going forward.  we have always been so happy together and this was a major storm to weather, and we made it through, still loving and not angry with each other for anything we went through, which is totally amazing and wonderful.

i will try to get the Vancouver couple to blog when they get home (you know who you are), but they might just be too freaking busy with their twin bundles and reuniting with family and friends and working, etc…. so no promises.

as a side note, people from 54 (yes, FIFTY FOUR) countries have read this blog or parts of it, so i know that there are readers out there desperate for information.  so any of you doing this, from any country, blog blog blog… help others negotiate the journey, contribute to the surrogacy community, be there for each other.  if you do blog, feel free to send me your link, and i will post on my blog for others to find.

in conclusion, my recommendations about surrogacy in other countries would be to (and this is going to be a downer, so if you want to just see daisies pushing through dirt, avert your eyes):

  • do more research than you can ever imagine
  • make sure all the information you find is totally current
  • include research on both ends (the surrogacy country and your own country)
  • talk to the surrogacy doctor as much as possible before you go (wherever)
  • talk to YOUR doctor in your home country and make sure they are totally on board with your choice, as they will have to support you and potentially your kids if you have success, and they will certainly have to advocate for you if you have a medical emergency out of your country
  • GET TRAVEL INSURANCE, NO MATTER WHAT!!! FOR BOTH OF YOU!!! (though it may not cover things related to the medical procedures, it may cover getting hit by a car or a cow or a tuktuk or an elephant or monkey bites).  travel insurance is your ONLY HOPE of being repatriated back to Canada without having to pay thousands (and i mean tens or hundreds of thousands) of dollars
  • get all your paperwork in order
  • have more money than you really need, because lots of expenses come up and change along the way
  • be ready for disappointment, over and over and over (if it doesn’t happen, great, but be prepared)
  • make sure your relationship is sooooooooo strong
  • talk about what you will do if not successful; don’t pin your life on this being successful, because contrary to advertisements, it’s not as easy or foolproof as they would have you believe
  • take all kinds of contact numbers with you
  • talk to your local politicians before you go, see if they will support you getting back (your local MP, mayor, whatever there is), see if they will advocate for you if need be
  • be strategic if going to a developing country.  you are a money machine to them, they will not always tell the truth, they are persuasive, they do this for a living, for money, not for compassion.  other countries are not like Canada, do not expect anything to be the same… NOTHING (toilet paper, milk, food, the way you are treated, respected, trust, etc.)
  • ok, i am going to log off now, cuz i am super drained, and i will add more in the future if i think of anything (i am sure there is lots)

i am signing off for now, and don’t know if/when i will be back.  i am not all bitter and would be super happy to share information if anyone needs any.  just leave a comment with your email address, or email me directly at .  seriously, i don’t mind… not one bit.

thanks to all our family and friends who have supported us through this journey (holy shit it’s nearly a year).  while i have experienced lots of indirect judgement online in the stuff i have read (none directly on my blog, which is great), i have mostly experienced nothing but support, support, support from our family and friends, more than we ever imagined in some ways, so it’s been an experience that has made us feel lucky too.

i wish so much luck to anyone who is currently going through the surrogacy process and am not suggesting that people don’t use surrogacy as an option, but just be so careful.  you may be vulnerable, and it’s a perfect chance for others to take advantage of you if you aren’t careful.  be wise, be strong, don’t take shit.  good luck.


so long (as in a long time, not good bye)


it’s been a seriously long time since i posted.  i can’t really say why… or maybe i can.  i will try, though it will likely just be a bit of a brain dump, though i am sure any regular readers of this blog will be used to those.

since coming back from Mumbia, so much has happened.  we have moved and that was a horrible nightmare of a day, though holy shit, we love our new apartment sooooo much!!!

hubby’s grampa was in the hospital with what we were initially told was pancreatic cancer, though after some testing, it turned out not to be.  we were in the hospital with him and the gramma every night for awhile, and we are so happy with the results, but wow, it was stressful!!!  i won’t go into what an a-hole i think his doctor is, for providing that diagnosis with NO testing.  if we were in the USA, i am sure a giant lawsuit could ensue… anyways.

then, one of my beloved cats (Joe) became very sick and we had to take him to the vet three times in three days.  he refused to eat and hadn’t gone poo for days (still hasn’t and tomorrow is a week).  we had many diagnostic tests and it wasn’t anything obvious.  he had a bit of an abscess (some teenage acne gone awry on his chin) and i think it was painful and turned him off eating.  then it popped and he just hasn’t regained his taste for food.  he’s never been the BEST eater anyways, but now it’s ridiculous.  i was syringe feeding him all the time over the last few days, but today he finally had a wee bit of food on his own, though i had to crush up a few temptations treats (kitty crack) in the food to get him interested.  we will see how this goes.  he’s very frisky though, which is a good sign.  wow, i can sure talk about my cat’s illness, gawd help anyone if we ever do have a child.

also, work has been very busy.  kind of mentally exhausting in a lot of ways.  i love my job and am lucky to say that, but some weeks are more mentally draining than others.

so, where do we stand with surrogacy?  well, i guess that’s another reason i haven’t written.  we don’t know.  i am going to be honest here, and in doing so, may help myself talk through the “problem”.

our time in Mumbai was terrible.  i know that some people may just think “oh, you were sick, big deal”, but we were soooo sick and both at the same time, so it was hard.  that’s not the biggest deal, except that we really would dread having that happen again, and cannot imagine being that sick with a baby.  that’s the first thing in our minds when we reflect on that visit.  second, i have met a couple through this blog who are from Canada and are currently in Mumbai with their new twins.  they have waited so far 50 days with no word from the Canadian government on where their application to bring the babies home is at.  the website doesn’t say anything other than “processing”, the 1-800 number cannot be accessed from India, so they are having to rely on family and friends to appeal to the government for information and/or help.  it turns out (and this was alluded to when i was in touch with the government in my initial research) that the process of getting babies back to Canada could take over three months, and i can’t imagine being in Mumbai for all that time with a baby.  neither can hubby.  especially since we can’t even imagine being in Mumbai again, period.  it looks like India was a hot-bed of surrogacy for a long time, but then it became big in the media, then became regulated, and the Canadian government is making it more difficult to get babies back.  this apparently has happened with adoption from various countries too, Kenya and China and a few others that were in the press, it seems a pattern with the Canadian government, or maybe it just appears that way.  i am sure it protects someone…. there’s always a reason for this type of thing.

thirdly, we are very disillusioned with our clinic.  i must be honest, though we tried to kind of wash over this when we were there, some of the standards were very poor compared to Canada, i haven’t even provided some of the detail, and nor will i, as it’s pretty personal.  we did expect this, and had everything else gone well, i guess maybe we could have overlooked it, but it’s one of the issues that have compounded.

this is the kicker, and i have struggled with whether to talk about this on this blog or not, but i am going to, because this is anonymous.  we don’t really trust our clinic has our best interest at heart.  there are many things that make us think this, and maybe one day i will expound here, but the whole experience has made us so turned off that we just kind of put things on pause.

this sucks though, because there was no definite indication in India that i couldn’t produce eggs had i been healthy at the time, i know i ovulate still, my test results were decent, so i kind of felt like the clinic hung me out to dry because going through an IVF cycle and having eggs harvested in Canada is SOOOOO expensive, so now i feel like our only chance at having a child biological to both of us has been wasted, because we can’t do it here, and we don’t want me to go through any more medical treatment in India, it’s not a good idea…. it’s very discouraging and sad for both of us, so we have kind of being avoiding the issue.

when we got back i looked at other surrogacy options, i knew about Thailand and the Ukraine before, but there are issues with both.  someone had let me know that Mexico is an emerging “player” in the surrogacy market (one state only in Mexico), and also apparently Cyprus is an option nowadays.  we haven’t done much research, as we know we would have to start at the very beginning to do it in either, and i am sure both have their own issues, so again, discouraging.

so, here we sit, in a sort of limbo.  each day i get older, and yes, hubby does too, but he is a fair bit younger, so age isn’t that pressing of an issue for him, but yeah… i dunno.  we don’t really have time to be confused or hopeless or bitter or whatever…. but we are.

i have also looked into participating in fostering children, though hubby isn’t as keen on that… it’s something i have always thought about, but …. ugh, my thoughts trail off in this post, because the thoughts are still spinning in my head without an end, so there is really no conclusion to any of the things i describe.  mish-mosh brain.

so, to my surrogacy friends i haven’t emailed, it’s just because i haven’t known what to say… i haven’t dropped off the earth, i just seriously didn’t know what to say.  i just have been avoiding the topic of surrogacy altogether, and emailing back and forth makes me think about it…. so sorry for being a non-communicative dolt.

that’s about it for now… i am still around, and will email when i can get myself to email (how’s that for honesty?)