So, really nothing new to report today, and as if I haven’t been on the computer enough today, I thought I would just stop in and write a post. So it probably won’t have anything of use in it this evening, just some inane rantings (well, not rantings, but umm… chatter?).
So, I have decided it bugs me to capitalize in this blog. In real life, by which I mean, at home, not at work, I generally don’t capitalize anything but names. so now i am going to do that here. i am not sure why i started this blog all professional like, but it kind of bores me now, and i would prefer that my personality show a bit more than it has up to this point. maybe i did it the other way, because i was all anonymous (still am) and trying to provide “useful information” to folk (still am and will)… so in my inner mind, i felt like i should be professional and write like i would at work. no more!!! i think this blog should also include some of my inner dialogue, not just the “clinical stuff”.
so, i had a talk with a good friend of mine the other day. i broke the news to her about our intention to go through the surrogacy process in India. she started screaming on the phone, like freaking out, in a good way… so much so, that she had to sit down. it was comical, and endearing. she is one of my oldest friends (not in age), she has known me since i was 4, and so really she is family, pretty much like an auntie or a second or third mother (i am lucky enough to have a few), and she is the mom of one of my longest and dearest friends, who has also known me since we were 4.
she is also a post-partum doula, so has a special interest (and knowledge of) this whole process and everything there is to know about babies, most of what there is to know about pregnancy and childbirth, and most everything related to any of the above. plus, she has a vast interest in human anthropology (and other species too). needless to say, she offered to be OUR post-partum doula after said baby arrives, to which i just said “we’ll see”, because i can’t even think of such things just now, it’s too soon, and there’s too much to process. likely, i will take her up on the offer, in some sort of a partial role… that’s my current gut feeling… but again, we’ll see.
so, after she spilled over with enthusiasm, she got down to brass tacks and started playing the devil’s advocate. she has, you see, spent a month in India, and has some interesting experiences to reflect upon, in addition to her anthropological studies. she wants us to go into this whole thing with our eyes as wide open as possible, so we don’t get taken advantage of, either ahead of time, or while we are in India, including just after the intended baby is born. basically, she says that things are very different in India, and that because of the different culture, and the fact that money means a whole lot more than it does here, there is a high chance that people there are saying one thing, and will do the polar opposite, or somewhere on the spectrum farthest from what they said they would do. she feels that if we don’t pay really good attention, and check things out to the fullest, that anything could be happening without us knowing, and here are a few examples that were thrown out there during the conversation:
- our surrogate could be chained up like a slave, with no concern for her, only the baby (product)
- our surrogate could be totally unhealthy and undernourished pre-pregnancy, which could make her not strong enough to carry a baby
- our surrogate could be out gallivanting while she is pregnant with our baby
- we could receive ultrasounds of some other baby
- our embryos could be kept and sold or implanted into other surrogates in the future
- (luckily research shows that it’s necessary for us, as Canadians, to have a DNA test, done by a Canadian DNA testing lab, to get a passport for our baby, and an exit visa from India, so we will be sure the baby is genetically ours)… i am glad i had researched this already.
so basically, all these things could happen, and a whole lot more, and i am not really sure how to make sure of any of this. my friend strongly recommends that we take a trip to India to check out the clinics before deciding on one, but i let her know that’s not really financially feasible, to go for a trip that isn’t actually part of the procedure. she says it’s research, and should be part of the whole process, but it’s still not feasible, even though i can totally see her point. i am usually quite a hands-on person, so doing this somewhat blind, is a bit daunting. i guess there’s still time to think about things and do research.
in other news, i told one of my grandmother’s today, that this is our plan. she’s just about 85, and has been begging all her four grandchildren to have a great grandchild for her, and had all but lost hope. she had pinned her hopes on my younger brother, because he’s about 10 years younger than me, and it was widely thought he was the most likely of the three of us to have a baby, but i shocked her today with our plans. she strongly requests twins, and will likely start crocheting post-haste 😛
additionally today (well, yesterday now), i happened upon a wonderful blog by Gina Marie, which made me ponder so much more about our journey, how we got here, and where we are going with all this. it made me think more about my choices in life, and how i felt about them, and how happy i am that we have made the decision to go through the surrogacy process. basically, i am happy there are options available to us, and that we have choices, and that we are able to make them at different points in life, whereas a few decades ago, none of this would have been possible, either from a medical or social standpoint… so it’s pretty darn cool that we are living in this time…
clearly i shouldn’t write posts at 1:00 in the morning, i am feeling all philosophical or something, so i think i will go off to bed… this is my brain: