information overload… seriously.

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i guess i am in a pretty unique position because i am working towards a surrogacy without years of infertility issues and attempts at having a baby.  so, i think this puts me at a bit of a disadvantage because i am now looking at all kinds of message boards, forums, blogs and websites and i don’t share experiences with the writers or community, and i certainly don’t know the lingo.  i go to these sites and see people identify themselves like this (and this is one of the shorter, less acronym-rich IDs):

Age – Both- 33
Severe Male Factor
Me – Mixed Connective Tissue Disease
TTC since 2008
1st treatment – IVF-ICSI November 2012
November 3 – started bravelle and menopur
November 15 – ER – 5 eggs – 4 mature – 3 fertilized with ICSI – 2 survivors
November 18 – 3dt of 2 embryo’s (grade 2 and grade 3)
Dec 3 – Beta 492!! 
Dec 19 – First u/s One little bean, 4 mm 122hb
EDD August 8

i don’t even know what half of those abbreviations and acronyms mean.  so i find that when i am trying to find out something, i need to do a bunch of research to find out what the hell people are talking about, before i can just get the answer to my question.  for example, today i googled “how long does an IVF cycle take?” (luckily i know what IVF means), and in the first answer it said “2ww from an IUI“… well, wtf does that mean?  for those who are just curious, that means two week wait from an intrauterine implantation…. but i had to do two searches on 2ww and IUI before i could understand the first sentence of the page i was looking at.

no offence to the infertility community, but if i am confused, and i have been working in the medical field for nearly 20 years, and am used to researching online and feel comfortable doing so, this must really suck for someone who is new to the infertility community, having tons of stress about their own situation, and just wants some support and help.  it’s very hard to feel a part of a community when you can’t understand what you are reading.  ack, i feel like my brain is trying to wrap my head around the sociology of the community, but that i don’t even really belong to the community because i haven’t seen even one person in my exact situation, and i just basically want some information so i know what to expect.

i also am feeling a bit disjointed because i am not in the same position as anyone i have seen, and i feel really uncomfortable talking about my exact situation in a forum, because i feel there will be judgement… as a matter of fact, i KNOW there will be judgement.  i feel comfortable with people who know me knowing my situation, but i have even gotten some judgey comments from the doctor at one of the clinics i have contacted, so ugh… i am so used to just putting it all out there, and F$%& what anyone thinks, and this situation of not wanting to be judged is different for me…. i don’t like it.

anyways, i feel like sometimes i come blog here and it’s all kind of negative, but i guess it’s just reflective of the things that are freaking me out on this journey.

on the whole, we are extremely excited, and talk a lot about the good things and plans we have for the future.  we have had conversations about baby names and schooling and teenagers and food and health and friends and childcare and family and pets and home and clothing and parenting styles and money and holidays and education and everything else people talk about when they are planning to have a child.  it’s wonderful to think about, and great to plan, and filled with its own stresses and fears, but wonderful overall, and exciting.  i could go on for hours about all the fun things, and perhaps i will closer to the time of the impending baby’s arrival, but for now i am sticking to this portion of the story, which for me, provides lots of things to worry about.

so, sorry reader, for the seemingly negative posts, but since most of you probably know me, you will maybe understand the things i worry about, and just read along.  and those of you who don’t know me, i will assume you are here to find information specific to the surrogacy in India journey, and will continue to provide information as i find it.  i don’t think i will include much information about IVF, because holy crap, there is a TON of info out there already, you just have to learn a new language to understand it, and create an identity for yourself based solely on information surrounding the reasons why you can’t procreate in the usual fashion (and my feelings on that are another story).

so, did you know the human egg is the largest cell in the female human’s body, and is 20 times the size of a sperm, because it’s got to supply the sustenance for the embryos first week of life?

here’s one now (i wonder why it’s purple, but i like it):

human-egg

 

 

 

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2 responses »

  1. I am also intimidated by some of those forums. I’ve known since my late teens that I could never carry a child. It means I’ve never been through the heartache of miscarriages, unsuccessful IVF etc, but it also makes it hard to connect with others seeking surrogacy. Sometimes I feel all those identifiers under people’s names are like war medals / badges of honour (which I suppose they are, in a way) and I am excluded from joining that club… though I’m sure that’s not the intention.

    I guess as more and more people explore surrogacy there is going to be a greater diversity of forums / threads / conversations / experiences being shared (I hope so anyway!). Blogs like yours and a few others are a great start!

    • Thanks bean, i am happy to know I am not the only one who feels alienated when looking at the community forums. I guess they ARE like war badges, and i guess folks feel proud to have come out the other side of each of these experiences, and rightly so, because it’s better than sinking into them in a depressed way. Perhaps it helps them to identify each other as having shared experiences, so they know which of the group to talk to.

      I too, have always known I wouldn’t be giving birth, so the journey is different, and i guess a little less bumpy, for which I should be thankful.

      I guess too, that there haven’t been many times where I have needed things/info from those who have been part of a seemingly exclusive club, so it’s just different and my gut reaction was to balk and be irritated. I guess that says something about me 😛

      If anything, I suppose I should start my own thread in the forums to see what info comes my way…

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