touching base…

Standard

not much to report at this point, just biding our time til the chems leave my body and i can go have the testing to get things started.

a couple of days ago, i was searching in WordPress for other peoples’ blogs to do with surrogacy in general, and had put “surrogacy” into the search bar.  after leafing through some of the blogs (many are just advertising from clinics), i came upon one woman totally blasting the concept of surrogacy, making huge generalizations, and also going off about several other topics that are close to my heart, like same sex marriage and a woman’s right to choose.  clearly you will understand what team she was playing for, though i am not going to name the team directly.  as an aside, she was going on and on and on and on about how a the relationship between a child and their biological mother is TOTALLY SUPERIOR to any other relationship that child will ever have, and that nobody can ever care for a child like the biological mother because of some cellular bond (not quoting here) that cannot be understood by anyone but a biological mother, and even went on a bit about how her husband was a pretty good father, but even his relationship with their children was inferior because he is not the biological mother and can’t possibly have the same bond. i am not quite sure how she claims to understand the bond between any two people of which she isn’t one, but whatever.  the thing that pissed me off so greatly, was that she was saying that people who go through with surrogacy are basically ripping off the child (even if it is their own genetic child, carried in a surrogates womb) of the essential relationship with the woman who carried the child.  she basically said that the child really belongs with the surrogate, and that the surrogate and that the child and surrogate will be damaged by their separation.

i was just so offended that she would presume to know about other peoples’ ability to parent or to have a relationship with a child.  i know that there is a bond between a baby and the woman who’s womb they grow in, and i am not going to minimize that, but she was basically just saying that everyone who gives up a child for adoption, adopts a child, participates in surrogacy, fosters, same sex parents, step-parenting, and even single fathers (or married fathers) will provide inferior parenting to the birth mother of a baby.

so, being how i am, i had to post to her, because i can’t resist defending things that i care about…. so we went back and forth a bit, and i finally just cut it short by telling her that there was no way we would ever complete the debate, so there really wasn’t any point in going back and forth.

i guess i wasn’t offended for myself, because (believe it or not), i have zero doubts about my ability to parent or my husbands ability to parent.  i mean, i have thoughts about what would be best, what direction we will go in different areas, how our child will turn out, etc., but they aren’t doubts, they are just the regular thoughts any person planning parenthood would have.  i know that nobody is perfect, and i know that my darling and i will be closer on the scale to perfect parents than to shitty parents, so i am not worried.

she also went on and on about the “commodification of  women in India” and likened it to the recent gang-raping and killing of the young woman on the bus in India.  how fucking moronic (sorry, i think that was my first F-bomb on my blog, i have been letting you all off easy).  she felt that all instances of surrogacy just use women in India, and that they are totally being taken advantage of and that people are terrible for partaking in this practice.  i was pretty offended, after reading many stories of Indian women who feel as though they are not only giving a gift to a childless couple, but being able to provide for their families in ways that they could only dream about.  i guess i was pissed off that she made it look like these women are brainless and have no choice.  i believe she used the word “chattels”.  sigh, i think she doesn’t have a very good opinion of women, other than their ability to bear children… which also meant to me, that she felt women who can’t bear children are basically useless.

i guess i was pissed off because in my reading of other peoples’ blogs, i have seen so many people that have doubts, that if they run across that idiot’s blog, they may really feel sad, or persecuted, and i hate that!!!  oh well, i am done with her, and won’t go back to her blog, because it’s just so much shit.

so, though this may seem like a bit of a rant, it actually isn’t.  having this “conversation” with this woman only made me think things through even more, and realize that we will be such better parents than some that preach judgment and hate to their kids, and have no respect for others…. it made me happy for who i am and who my darling is, because i think our world is a happier one than that of those who are so afraid of the way others do things, that they think it threatens their ideals.

maybe i should preface every post with whether or not it will contain valuable information about the process of surrogacy in India… the blog initially was to assist others in the process, but there has been (and will continue to be) such a huge gap in “movement” that i am filling the space and time with my personal thoughts.  meh, i guess if people are interested, they will find the valuable nuggets that are meaningful to them in their journey, and for those who are not on the same journey, i guess it’s a window into my/our thoughts for these months.

 

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