Monthly Archives: February 2013

never thought…

Standard

well, i never thought i would be announcing this on the internet, but:

  • my Aunt Flo is visiting
  • i am being touched by the Goddess
  • it’s my bitchy-witchy week
  • i have the crimson curse
  • i am fighting the scarlet crusade
  • i am sitting on a nice merlot
  • i need to visit the red tent
  • i am packing dynamite

in other words, my period has finally arrived.  this is the first time in probably twenty years that i have been excited for this day, but this month it means i can go and have my testing done.  i will make an appointment for the lab on Friday.  wow, i have to say this is literally the FIRST time in my life i have been excited to go to have my blood drawn at the lab too, i am not generally a fan of this activity, at all, not one bit.  normally try to avoid it.  so i will make sure i am well hydrated and fasting, and will go and get it over with, and then start the wait for results (remember, my ob/gyn said one or two tests take WEEKS to get the results).

bad news for some people seeking surrogacy

Standard

i was browsing surrogacy information, like i often do, and came across some information about a new directive that has been brought to be in India.  apparently in December, this directive was passed by the Indian government, that means that there are now restrictions being applied to surrogacy arrangements in their country.  i don’t know all the details, but the articles i have read say that the following are now restricted from the surrogacy process in India:

  • same sex couples
  • single people of either sex
  • unmarried couples
  • couples who have been married less than two years
  • couples from countries where surrogacy isn’t legal

as luck would have it, we don’t fall into any of those categories, so hopefully we won’t have any trouble.

in my previous reading, there has always been an undercurrent of “changes are coming” or “official guidelines aren’t in place and critics are pushing for more restrictions”, and i have always been a little worried that some harsh law would come to pass that would make it impossible for us to have surrogacy in India as an option.  so, while i am very sad that this will make things impossible for some very worthy people, i am glad that if these are finally the guidelines that have been in the making, they likely don’t change things for us.  surrogacy is legal in Canada, though it has to be altruistic, and you can’t reimburse the surrogate for anything but out of pocket expenses.  there is no mention of what type of surrogacy has to be legal in your home country, so we should be ok.

i hope we can get this show on the road, so nothing else changes, making it harder or impossible for us to have a baby in India. (see, there’s that impatience rearing it’s ugly head, but i guess it’s understandable when there is a bomb shell change).

just thought i would share, in case there are people looking at this blog who are not in Canada (which i know there are, from time to time based on my statistics).  so, if you are from elsewhere, make sure you are very clear on the new guidelines before you make the leap to start the process of surrogacy in India.

and now for more waiting :P

Standard

so, i went to the gynecologist today for the results of my ultrasound.  he says that i have a couple of good sized fibroids, but that they won’t  need surgery right away, just wait until they grow or become a bother, then we can decide if any action is necessary in the future.

the important thing though, is that he gave me a requisition for all the blood/lab work i need to find out my ovarian profile, so finally i have it!!!  much of the blood work needs to be drawn on the 2nd day of my cycle, so again there will be a bit of a wait.

then, he said that some of the test results can take over a month to come back, so fingers crossed that it won’t be that long, maybe the lab techs won’t be busy and it’ll get hurried through.  i can dream… 

anyways, i guess i better get used to waiting, it seems so much of this process has already been waiting, but it’s only the beginning.  in the coming months, there are going to be many waits;  i need to wait til the 2nd day of the cycle, then wait for the lab results, then wait to see the gyne again to talk about them, then wait for the clinics in India to review them to determine if i am a good candidate for IVF and egg harvesting, then (assuming yes) waiting for a matched surrogate, then going to India and doing the hormone therapy to prep the ovaries, then after implantation we wait for a few weeks to see if the surrogate is pregnant, then wait three months to be fairly sure the pregnancy is working out, then if so, wait the rest of the pregnancy!!!  so, i better get used to waiting, and find a way to be very comfortable with it.  normally i am not very impatient, only when i am excited, which is now… hehe!

my darling man is fairly impatient, but there’s not much he can do about this stuff, so i bet he will be the more patient of the two of us during the coming months, i am counting on it.  there’s lots of neat stuff to talk about though, while we wait through each phase, so that will carry us through.

one more small step up the ladder today 🙂

here’s a shout out to my mother and my mother-in-law… 

ImageImage

half the sky

Standard

just a little post note; because i had mentioned that my brother suggested i watch the movie half the sky as a precursor to this journey, i wanted to follow up with you all about this.

it turns out that half the sky was a book written by a couple of journalists (husband and wife) who had been all over the world and covered many different press stories, and in their array of journeys, realized that the objectification, marginalization, commodification, neglect, and abuse of women was a universal issue in every country, and it wasn’t receiving even close to the amount of coverage that it deserved.  therefore, they traveled around the world to many different countries and wrote a book about this, called “half the sky”.  eventually, it became well read, and a movement began, including some celebrities travelling to places where this abuse of women is most prevalent and atrocious.  a documentary was made, so far in 2 two hour parts, and i am part way through the documentary.

i don’t believe there is a specific portion of the movie about surrogacy in India, but i think my brother just wanted us to watch the movie, as it’s very clear that in the massive growth of the surrogacy industry in India, there is a lot of room for Indian women to be commodified.

since the beginning of this journey, i hope i have made it very clear that my intention, and therefore, our intention, is to do the right things along the way, doing our best to ensure the surrogate we deal with is respected in the process.  while i know that it’s looked at as an “industry”, it is our hope that we will be dealing with a surrogacy clinic who has the best intentions for the surrogate, including her health, well-being during the pregnancy and in her post-partum care (both physically and emotionally).  one of the things that is fairly obvious though, from my research, is that in India, we won’t have much control.  there will have to be a certain amount of trust in the process, though we can make our wishes known.

so, half the sky isn’t about surrogacy directly, so if you are looking for info on surrogacy, it’s not there.  it is a good documentary though, and is about something that is worth paying attention to and trying to do something about.

a little nervous…

Standard

so Monday is my appointment with the OB/GYN, and he will tell me the results of my ultrasound, and also i will have him write up a requisition for the testing that has been requested by the majority of the clinics i have been in contact with.  it will probably take a few days for me to get the testing, then a few more for the results to get sent to him… i am hoping he’s not too backed up and i can get an appointment pretty soon after the results are in.  then we shall see what he has to say, and then i will send the results to various clinics to see what they propose (if anything).

i think this is where the rubber hits the road, so i am getting pretty nervous.  it seems like the last few months we have been waiting for the chemicals to clear my body have gone by really fast (though it seemed like such a long time to wait at the beginning).

as always, will keep y’all posted.

the first dream

Standard

this likely isn’t significant, but i had my first baby dream last night.  i don’t remember much, just that it was a girl, she was beautiful and cherubic, and she was swaddled and sleeping, but i think she was in a box of some sort as well.  that’s it.  i just thought i would share.

Do we need assistance?

Standard

i don’t know if i mentioned this before (hey, i guess i could go back and read my own blog) when i was talking to the guy, Matt, who has already gone through the surrogacy process, he mentioned that he had met another couple who was going through surrogacy at the same time.  they had some discussions, and perhaps kept in touch after the fact (not sure), and it turned out that the second guy and his wife decided to set up a company to help people through the surrogacy process in India.  Matt hadn’t used the company because it hadn’t existed three years ago, but suggested that i contact them to see if it would be beneficial to use them, so i did.

i did some information gathering, like ordering their introductory package via email, then emailing some supplementary questions that i had.  here are some of the things i found:

  • the cost seems to be relatively equal, because i think they get a better rate, because they use on surrogacy clinic exclusively
  • they do assist with Intended Parents (IPs) from any country where surrogacy is legal, according to their package, but upon further questioning, they have only helped about a dozen couples, and their first Canadian IPs are currently in the process, so there isn’t a long track record.  this isn’t to say that they still wouldn’t be helpful, because there are many other aspects that they help with
  • their exclusive clinic is in a smaller town, and we still haven’t decided whether to use a clinic in a smaller community who’s income is likely very heavily supplemented by surrogacy, or a clinic in Mumbai (this is a very big decision in my mind, with many pros and cons, though i don’t really even know what they are)
  • while Matt’s experience was very difficult three years ago, it seems like there is so much more surrogacy in India nowadays, so perhaps the process is more streamlined, therefore, i kinda question whether we would need outside help.
  • in some of the email discussions i have had with clinics, it seems like they help you through the process too, so i am not sure if we would need the help.  however, it may be in a clinic’s interest to keep us in India longer (if we were staying at associated hotels, or if the baby was in hospital, etc.).  that said, maybe this assistance agency has some of the same motivations for keeping us in India (gawd, i feel i am super suspicious about this whole thing sometimes)
  • to put it bluntly, in reading the paperwork from this agency, i feel like i am more organized than they are and i am not at all intimidated by the medical field, so do i need my hand held?

it seems i came away from that exchange with more questions than answers, and that seems to be a theme with this whole process.  i know though, that i am very organized and do lots of research to ensure things go well, and there will be a bunch of this process that i (we, none of us) will have any control over, so there needs to be a bit of “roll with the punches” attitude, or i will just be Stressica Simpson, so while i am putting a lot of thought into it, i am not putting too much thought into it, or i would make myself crazy.

on a different note, hubby has fallen in love with a certain baby carrier, and i can just imagine him with a wee bundle on his chest.

on yet another note, the team cheering for us to try for twins seems to be getting bigger, so maybe we will need two of these bad boys to cart around bundles.  at this point, i still don’t think we are going to “try” for twins, but are open to getting two if two happen to be successful.  there’s still lots of time yet though, so another thing to stay tuned for.

Google Baby YouTube Videos

Standard

Someone has requested the links to the pieces of Google Baby on YouTube, so I have posted the seven parts below.  It’s fairly raw and likely very realistic (my guess is that it’s still pretty tame compared to the reality).  There are very few similarities to Canadian or American culture, but the reason I appreciate this documentary is because it doesn’t lead us to believe surrogacy will be all flowers and rainbows and set us up for a major shock when we go there for the procedure.  Also, I would imagine the perspective of the Indian surrogates aren’t shared much during the process, so it’s a good reminder that these women have families and feelings, and that though they are getting a lot of money to be a surrogate, they still have feelings and surrogacy probably isn’t a piece of cake for any of them, and they are going through risk for the betterment of their families and for the intended parents.

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Part Five

Part Six

Part Seven