crisis averted (emotional crisis that is)

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so after i posted yesterday, i started to worry and worry and worry that maybe the doctors in India would potentially be encouraging about the test results because it’s a for-profit venture, and that maybe they would encourage us to try and try and try with my own eggs, when really there wasn’t much hope, and then, after lots of money was spent, they would offer the option of a donor egg… when really this should have been done right off the bat.  in essence, i was worried that maybe my test results really meant that there was very little hope, and since i hadn’t had a face to face discussion with someone in the field, it was easier to imagine.

i have to admit that people left, right, and centre have been very forthcoming about the treachery and scams they feel go on in foreign countries, and it’s been a constant battle to feel positive about this process taking place in India.  if ever there was an opportunity for us to be mistrustful, this is it.  this is not anything to do with any of the doctors i have been in contact with in India, nobody has given me reason to be suspicious, but i am generally a cynical person, especially in areas where i have very little knowledge.  maybe this is common, but i feel that i am more cynical and suspicious than the average joe.  all the docs i have spoken to have been lovely and professional and i can’t really say a bad word, but my thoughts ran away with me last night, and i had a wee emotional crisis, luckily my darling was there for a cuddle, in addition to the largest of my loving cats.

after having an incredibly shitty sleep, i had major worry all morning, and luckily a few of my friends were available to run my thoughts past, and they tried their best to make me feel better.

then i finally went to see my OB/GYN, and he looked at the results, and did a bit of research on the internet, and reinforced what the doctor in India has told me, which is that most of my results are in the normal range (the ones pertaining to my ovaries), though my anti-mullerian hormone is a bit low, indicating that while it is totally possible to get some fat and juicy eggs, i better get a move-on, because the older you get, the less possible this becomes.  the clock is ticking, but it hasn’t stopped yet, so we are good to go.  he also said that we should get a follicle counting ultrasound, which is where they (get this) use an ultrasound, and count the follicles in each ovary.  this is a baseline, and then they give you the hormone treatment for a few weeks, and keep doing this ultrasound from time to time to see when the follicles are ready to release their beautiful eggs… then the retrieval happens.  so i believe i was have all this done in India, as my OB/GYN said he would have to refer me to a fertility clinic to get it done here, and this likely wouldn’t happen before we go to India, so we might as well just stick to our linear process.

the verdict of my wee emotional crisis is this:  it’s probably a good idea to have a specialist following you in your own country, as long-distance medicine is a bit challenging, as you can’t have face to face conversations, and you can’t always get the answers you want right away.  it’s not necessarily about distrust, it’s just about reassurance and comfort level.  and for me, it’s probably a bit about going on oral contraceptive pills a few days ago, so introducing different hormones to my body, so that may have added to the emotional nature of my last 24 hours.  i have to say though, that i have been lucky in this regard, there haven’t been too many moments where i have been scared or overly worried or emotional, i have had great support around me always telling me that everything will be fine and that my eggs will be fat and juicy.  i am lucky… so far 🙂

oooo…. that was my 42nd blog post, and i am now 42… lol, i have a thing about numbers, don’t mind me!

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