here i am… i thought i would just pop on to see if there’s been any activity on this blog, and sure enough there have been views almost every day, even though i haven’t been writing. i guess there are a lot of people out there that are thinking about surrogacy as an option.
so, what’s been up since i last wrote? not too much really. hubby and i haven’t talked about kids much… immediately after our surrogacy attempt i wanted to try fostering kids, as it seems like the last resort to me, but it is daunting, and hubby isn’t really interested at this point. he says he would be very open to adoption, but from what i understand that’s really expensive and there is much failure along the way, if it ever really materializes at all…. let’s just say i have heard horror stories. i guess fostering would be filled with its own challenges, not the least of which is the fact that we likely would get kids only temporarily and they would be kids with their own challenges. this attracts me, because i was a child from a really whack home, but i think that freaks hubby out too much at this point. so, the subject is kind of on the back burner for now.
i actually had my dear friend reiterate that she would be willing to be our surrogate for free… we had already kind of discussed it as a sweet offer right after our India trip, but in that case she was offering her egg and we all thought it would be really odd for us to have a baby with her egg, considering we are friends, she’s got two kids of her own, and then technically the resultant baby would be that of her and my husband…. so not something we would feel comfy with. it’s so amazing that she would consider being a surrogate for us, if we could get our own egg… but it’s super expensive to do that, and we are tapped out with no resources. so it’s pretty much slipped away… no money for IVF and harvesting, no child. at any rate, it’s amazing to know a person who would be willing to do that for us…. i just have to say that one more time…
so, since i last wrote, i have been dealing with some sadness and regret about not having kids… which is not something i had ever thought i would have to deal with. i had always been totally comfortable with my inability to bear children, but the surrogacy option really got our hopes up, and so for 2013 we were very focused on having a child, and all the hopes and dreams and excitement that comes with that…. so it’s taking some time to mourn that fantasy…. i am surprised at how hard i am taking it, knowing myself… but i guess i keep thinking that i will be on my deathbed and maybe there will be nobody there…. so depressing.
blah, i guess i am not sure why i even came here to write, there’s not too much new to say at all, i think i have said all this before, but maybe i feel obligated to write once i come back on the blog…. strange, but true.
i really hope everyone on this journey has a better outcome than we did, though it’s not the end of the world. we are a million times LESS depressed than others who have wanted kids their whole lives, so for that we are thankful. it’s not as bad as it could be.
i am still open to answering questions and helping if you need anything, so feel free to email me at email@example.com if you need something.
good luck everyone, i hope people are still finding my blog informative an useful…. that’s all i can hope for!